Posted in Getting Started

It felt amazing!

I have never felt so liberated and free. After spending a lifetime worrying about what people think, it felt soooo good to put my true thoughts out there.  I did not have a single intention to hurt anyone, resentment or any other feeling besides speaking my truth. Most importantly, I don’t care what ANYONE thinks! This is huge and a lifelong accomplishment that has been long in the works!  Check my moment of truth here.

I am going to focus every day on sharing my plan to regain my life after a medical malpractice that nearly destroyed every ounce of my being.

I have posted several times about my journey and my thoughts that I may have a Candida overgrowth (along with several attempts at a Candida diet). I have built myself a new medical team who is here to serve me (I have no idea why I didn’t see it this way sooner.) I have a Functional Medicine team at the Cleveland Clinic. I swore for years that I needed doctors to see me as a whole, they were slowly killing me only looking at pieces and parts of me. I truly believe this.

I found another blogger,thatpeganlife, who lives in my area and she was posting about her appointment with a Functional Medicine team – I reached out to her, got some more info and scheduled myself an appointment that day. I had my initial appointment back in October and today I head back in for my results from all the blood tests that were ordered. We’ll start to make up a game plan of how to truly restore my health, from the inside out. I met with the doctor, a health coach and a nutritionist at my first appointment. That first appointment was a VERY long day (I think I was at the hospital for over 5 hours meeting each member of my functional medicine team). The nutritionist had set me up on a Candida cleanse, but we found through my initial testing that I do not have a Candida overgrowth.

I have spent many hours researching and it looks like what I may have going on is a Leaky Gut. I’ve been hearing about this a ton lately, which led me into doing more research. It got brought up a few times at my initial visit as well. I have decided to do nothing with my research – just let it be knowledge for my appointment. Today I can hear what the doctor thinks, make a plan and starting moving forward.

Since my first appointment with my Functional Medicine team, I had another surgery (…this was #16 I think…yikes) and hopefully my last surgery, where I had the battery pack removed and the wire that was going through my sacral nerve to give stimulation to my bladder and bowel that were both damaged through all my surgeries. I have found through diet and lifestyle changes that the internal unit was not helping me, it was actually causing more problems than it was worth.

Being truly transparent, I have struggled with my diet since surgery on October 25th.  I had been doing great, but the mental anguish that came with trusting doctors and having another surgery was more than I was braced for. This is the reality of my struggle now. Trust. Trauma. Moving On. – all things I am trying to wrap my head around coming to peace with. I’m not quite there, but I am working on it.

My biggest take-away from my initial appointment with functional medicine is that I need to really work on healing from my past…my trauma…what had become my way of life. I have been stuck in a really awful place since I learned about my malpractice (and honestly this place had me captured for a few years prior to that).

I was referred to a Holistic Psychotherapist with this statement standing out for me, “I can heal your body physically all day long, but if you’re not healing emotionally and spiritually, you’re never going to get better.” I started seeing Tom, my psychotherapist, a week after my surgery and have been making huge strides ever since.

Today is a pivotal point for me – I have been giving myself pep talks – I can do this. I can go hear what the findings are and make a plan with the team of doctors I have built for myself. A team of doctors who I need to eventually trust, who are looking out for my best interest and will help me get back to the version of myself that I so desperately have been missing. I am hoping to share tomorrow that I took this appointment in stride and left it in a good place, especially mentally. The reality is that that has not happened for me in years with a doctor but it’s my intention now. The doctor who was behind my malpractice has taken enough of my life. I love myself enough to give myself the grace I need to work through this process, whatever that may mean.

Posted in Endometriosis, Family, Getting Started

Keeping it Real…

The last year has been a whirlwind for me, to say the least.  My dad had a series of 4 strokes, leaving him paralyzed on his left side, but thankfully still here with us.  We lost my mother-in-law to colon cancer.  I found out that my life with “endometriosis” was all a misdiagnosis and malpractice…pathology from my hysterectomy proved that there was not a single endometrial cell.  My brother is a heroin addict, who overdosed multiple times last summer – he is sober at the moment after a few months (again) in rehab and his precious son was born in September.  I pray every day that my brother’s light-bulb moment has happened and that he can live a sober life, supporting and taking care of his little family.  Time will tell. My sister-in-law is so selfish and cannot tell the truth if her life depended on it (every family has one of these, right?!?)  Her family is so distraught from the unfortunate loss of Penny, yet she still continues to run her mouth and stir up unnecessary drama – all based on lies. That entire family has NEVER treated me the way they should have because they always believed the lies that she told. I sat back for so long never saying anything to “keep the peace”…guess what – I’ve decided that my peace is more important now. My daughter is dealing with severe anxiety from all the aforementioned events which is and has been a struggle for us. I will never stop fighting for her – she will one day be living life as she should…a 13 year old teenager…not taking the weight of the world on her shoulders from all she has seen happen to her family.

The last several years have left me broken.  Scrambling to pick up the pieces of my life and attempting to put everything back together.  Several times I thought I was on the right path but I wasn’t quite there yet. Unfortunately, the manual on how to clean up your life after you’ve been f***ed in every direction has not been written yet.  Maybe that’s my calling?!?

I have learned that in general, a good amount of people suck. If it does not benefit THEM or fit a mold of how they see things, they check out. You truly learn who your friends are during difficult times.  When things first got rough for us, everyone was around asking what they could do, how they could help, etc.  As the days, months and now years went on that we remained struggling on a daily basis – “friends” started becoming more distant.  As though our unfortunate circumstances were inconvenient for them. Really?!? Thank you for opening my eyes to see what your true intentions were.

I am 100% being real.  I have learned that when the tough times hit and hit…and hit again, the majority of people decide that your reality is too much for them.  They decide that the best way to “handle” you is to act as though everything is great every time you see them – or better yet, walk away from you completely.  That’s okay though – it let me know who I can really count on in my life. Thank you to my real friends, who kept it real – saw my struggles and offered to be there for me in every moment for what it really was. When I would generically say things like we’re good, I feel ok…they called me out and wanted to know how I really felt. The people who made an outside effort from social media (actually picking up the phone or sending a text)…the people who REALLY care know that I have lived in a CONSTANT state of pain…every single day…from the mishaps of all my surgeries. It didn’t all go away just because I wasn’t talking about it (or posting on Facebook). I love all of you who could see our situation for what it really was, not through rose colored glasses. Many times I needed that – people to be real with and not pretend that my situation was better than it was. For the past year, I needed the time to be angry, hurt, sad, happy, hopeful, defeated, strong, weak, determined. I think it’s pathetic that so many people found that to be an inconvenience to them.

It speaks a lot about their character…and mine.  I am 100% real and I care unconditionally about the people in my life. While angry at the actions of so many people who I thought cared about us, I think God had another plan in mind for me and my family. I believe that everything these past few years happened for a reason. I have changed. I have learned that not every “friendship” needs to be nurtured and cared for like I have always done. My time and energy need to go into the tender, sweet friendships of like minded people.  I have true friends that I did not realize how much they truly cared about me until the situation arose for them to step up to the plate. Those are the invaluable friendships.

This post is for me – it’s damn time I really put my true thoughts out there.  I try really hard to be a positive person, look on the bright side, etc. but I have lived my ENTIRE life worrying about what people will think and not wanting to be judged by anyone. Guess what? People think what they think and I was judged anyways. This post is for me…about me.  Being real to my truth – saying things I’ve needed to say for a long time! If you cannot love me at my worst, you do not deserve me at my best. My situation has made this crystal clear for me.

On that note, I’d like to move on to what I am eternally grateful for.  My husband – my rock, my partner in crime, my everything.  No matter what obstacle comes our way, we buckle down and push through together. I truly believe with every ounce of my being that we have hit our turning point and our happy times are coming. I can literally sit back and see my life changing. Big things are happening. I am thankful that my eyes have been opened to who I truly can share our blessings with.

My daughter – she is a mini-me. I am thankful that through these rough years, I have gained invaluable tools that I can teach her and build her up to protect that sweet, tender heart that she has. She amazes me how innocent and pure her heart and intentions are. I will get her back to a secure mindset where she can shine and show the world who she really is!

My parents – I am thankful beyond words that my dad has fought through the past year since his strokes like a true champion. Never giving up hope and always staying strong and fighting. My sweet mother, she does everything she can to the best of her ability. I hope and pray that she is humbled to take care of herself and know that she doesn’t need to take on everyone else’s problems.

My true friends – you know who you are.  Thank you for being there for me, in all my real – happy, sad, awful and everything in between – moments. Thank you for not passing judgement, not getting mad if I didn’t call you back (even after you reached out to me consistently with no response back from me), still putting an effort forth to let me know you care – I needed that more than you’ll ever know.

With all that said, I’m ready to close that chapter. I could not move on because I had so much that was left unsaid, but really needed to be spoken. For the first time ever, I am thankful that I don’t care what anyone else will think after reading this. That is my ultimate win in this month of giving thanks!  Onward to my continued journey to healing and amazing things that are yet to come.

Posted in Getting Started

Baby steps

I AM SO EXCITED!!!! For the first time in over 3 years I was able to do a 20 minute workout! You never realize how blessed you are to be able to do something until it is all taken away and you physically cannot do things that you never thought twice about before. Like sitting without support, pushing a grocery shopping cart, walking down your driveway to get the mail, let’s be real – I could not even walk down the hallway in my house without help…I lost the ability to do these things along with so much more through my rough medical journey. My medical malpractice took way too much away for too long…but I am kicking a$$ and reclaiming my life!!!

I am on my 3rd week of drinking Shakeology (you can learn about it here!)  I am loving this journey that I am on.  I have been eating healthy for over 3 weeks, working out almost daily for over a month and sometime last week, I finally lost those desperate cravings for sugar.  

I weighed myself today and found the scale was actually up a little, so I took measurements and I finally realized why everyone says the scale doesn’t matter…  I lost another 3 1/4 inches – for a total of 7 inches lost in 2 weeks time.  Who cares what the scale says!!!  Muscle weighs more than fat, so losing my inches proves that I am doing something right!  

I am really working on getting my nutrition on point, increasing my water and slowly but surely building up my strength.  One day I will actually be able to complete what everyone knows as a “normal” workout.  Until then I will be enjoying all my huge accomplishments along the way!!!!  💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

Posted in Getting Started

Time for a change!

This post is all about self-accountability – so it’s not going to be the most exciting…BUT – I hit a point where I realized that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired about a month ago.  This summer, I have hit my heaviest weight, 186 (this post is keeping it real right from the start)…only a few pounds shy of my weight at delivery with my daughter.

The past few years have been rough for us, very, very rough.  I am an emotional eater and I *think* I find comfort in food.  Truth is – when you’re eating crappy, you feel crappy.  And I have never felt worse.

I was diagnosed with Diabetes (diet controlled) in December 2015 and I am determined to turn that around.  At my last doctor’s appointment, a little over a week ago, I saw the most terrifying blood results I have ever seen for myself.  Are they catastrophic?  Not at all.  Do they show my health is heading down a dark, gloomy road?  It most definitely does.

So I had to ask myself, where do you see yourself?  Is this how you want your life to be?  Overweight?  Doctor’s wanting to put me on medicine I don’t want to take?  Feeling like crap?  Bitchy?  Irritable?  Feeling sorry for myself because life is unfair?

Time to pull up my big girl panties up and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

I had posted before about the Candida diet, and I really did give that a go.  And then I shared about Trim Healthy Mama Lifestyle, which I truly believe in the fundamentals of that lifestyle change…but my cravings for sugar are out of control.  I really truly feel like I’m going through withdrawal.  I could go on and on about that, but fact of the matter is I knew that I wasn’t going to succeed where I was at.  I needed different support.  We all operate differently, but I know that I need accountability and someone to hold me to my plan, even while life is going astray.

A friend of mine started sharing about BeachBody and drinking Shakeology.  I stood back and watched for a little bit, but the second she shared her before and 1 month in pictures, I decided I needed to give this a go.  She had more energy, cravings were down and lost about 17 pounds and just as many inches.  Say what?!?!   I don’t know about you, but I need that in my life.

I joined BeachBody as a Coach (mainly to get my discount if this Shakeology is really that awesome going forward) and I got a challenge package that was available for the PiYo workout program & a 30-day supply of Shakeology.  Shakeology has a 100% money-back guarantee.  I can drink it every day for 30 days and if I am not happy with my results, I can send the empty bag back for a full refund.  They also have a healthy bet challenge going on where all you have to do is log 3 workouts and 5 Shakeology selfies per week for 4 weeks.  Those who complete this simple challenge win a portion of a $3 million pot.   What did I have to lose besides weight?

I started drinking the shakes one week ago, on September 4th.  One week in and here’s my update.  I am still dealing with pretty bad cravings, but I am finding that my appetite is decreased.  I’m getting full faster and staying full longer.  My mind is my biggest issue at this point.  I think I want this or I think I want that…but even if I indulge in what I think I want, it doesn’t taste like what I was envisioning.  I’ve heard the first few weeks can be pretty rough as your body goes through that dreaded detox period.  I felt sick to my stomach Friday and a full blown migraine hit me on Saturday.  Both days I really struggled to stay on plan.  I did not stay on plan 100%, but I am proud to say that my “bad” choices were not even a fraction as bad as they were before.  I woke up today with the headache gone and decided that the bad days stopped there.  I’ve been back on plan 100% today – shake, food, water and exercise.

I have not been able to do the PiYo workout. Due to my circumstances and what my body has been though, I am pretty restricted with what my body can handle doing physically.  I started out at about 10 minutes on the elliptical with the suggestion of increasing by a minute after I’ve had 3 days without any pain increasing.  It’s taken me well over a month, but I’ve built up to 16 minutes and could not be prouder.  It’s a huge improvement for me, and that’s what counts.  I also started doing a stretching regimen that was referenced in a book I got Healing Pelvic Pain Naturally.  I have seen tremendous results in my first week of following the books suggested stretches.  I was in such horrible pain last weekend when I started reading the book that I was miserable.  It hurt to sit, it hurt to stand, it hurt to lay down – I was in a full pelvic floor disaster and I knew how it ends, so I decided to take it into my own hands and push through with the stretching and workouts.  I am SO THANKFUL that I pushed through the pain!!!  Best decision ever.

Out of curiosity I did a weigh-in and measurement check.  I wasn’t expecting to see much, if anything, especially since the past few days have been HARD for me (I did get my shake in every day though).  To my amazement, I am down 4 pounds from when I started (my starting weight last week was 180.6) and I’m down 3 inches overall.

For easy reference, I wanted to include what my blood results were showing:

  • A1C 7.0
  • ALT 52
  • Cholesterol 208
  • Triglycerides 417
  • Calcium 10.3
Posted in Family, Uncategorized

Flashback Friday…Broadway Baby

heart

In the thoughts that I would start doing more videos, I went on a search to find our video camera.  Low and behold I found it and started watching our old videos.

I stumbled across this one from many years ago…when Elizabeth was probably about 3 or 4 (she’s almost 13 now.)

This one is too cute not to share!   Check it out!

Be sure to like the video and subscribe so you can see all my updates.

Posted in Endometriosis, Everything Candida, Getting Started, Trim Healthy Mama

My story – Endometriosis Misdiagnosis

After many hours of thinking about how I was going to write a post to explain what I have been through, it finally dawned on me…why not make a video?  It’s still a little lengthy (a little under 30 minutes) but it felt so good for me to share about what has happened to me and what my plan is.

You can check it out here.

My last post before the cancer scare and  social media break was about sugar cravings.  I had started the Candida diet and had every intention of seeing it through.  Life got in the way.

After finding out that the breast mass was benign, I decided it’s time to get back on track and start taking better care of myself.  AND REALLY DO IT!  The more and more I thought about it, the Candida diet makes sense – it is very logical.  However, for me, it is anything but practical.  If I really assess things, I feel like it’s setting me up for failure.  I need sustainable, realistic…enter Trim Healthy Mama.

I have had the books for about a year, I think.  I went on a hunt, found them again, dusted them off and decided that this plan was more sustainable and realistic for me.  The plan is designed to cut out sugar and gluten, which are the main culprits in growing candida. It focuses a new found understanding about how your body burns fat and carbs.  The main point being that your body cannot burn the fat & carbs you are intaking plus get to the fat your body has.  Makes sense, right?  They focus on different meal types to either have a higher fat meal or higher carb meal…the main concept is not to combine the two at any one meal. I figure between the plan and using the supplements I bought for the Candida cleanse, I can conquer candida.  It will take a bit longer, but the eating plan is more in line with what I can do.

I started the plan last week and did amazing.  Until I made this…

pb cakeMy husband came home from work one day and asked me to make a peanut butter cake for a good friend of ours, who also works for him.  I had never heard of a peanut butter cake, let alone make my own from scratch.  Thanks to the good old Pinterest coming to the rescue.

My friend Holly and I tackled the peanut butter cake head on.  And it was sooooo delicious.

I tried to stay on plan last week, but between the cake, the pizza party where we surprised Mandy with her cake and a cookout, I was doomed.

I committed to getting back on plan on Monday and I have had 2 great days.  I am excited to share my weightloss journey with all of you…I am going for the big accountability route this time around.

Now that I tackled the obstacle of how I was going to get my blog up to speed on what I have really gone through, I am going to start focusing on how my family has gone chemical free.  I can’t wait to share tips, recipes, essential oil info, the amazing Lemongrass Spa products that I have found & fell in love with and so much more!!!

Posted in Getting Started

Cancer scare

I had decided to take a break from all social media due to some pretty big things affecting my family over the last month or so.  I had just started the Candida diet, did amazing for 9 days…lost 9 pounds AND THEN everything hit the fan.

I found a lump in my breast.  So I called the doctor to get it checked out.  He sent me in for a precautionary mammogram and ultrasound, but he did not think it was anything to be concerned about.  He did think I had an infected lymph-node under my arm (the same side with the lump) so that pretty much threw the Candida diet off course.  Then my allergies went completely wacko…so I took a break from the diet.

So…I went for the mammogram (which for the record, was not that bad).  They called me back, did the images they needed and sent me out to the waiting room.  Within a matter of minutes, they were calling me back to get more images.  I knew then something was not right.  I walk back and ask the tech if something is wrong.  She told me that all she knew was the radiologist wanted more images.  So…she starts taking images of a completely different part than where the lump I felt was located.

She finishes up and sends  me back to the waiting room.  I waited FOREVER, it was literally about 30 minutes before they called me back for the ultrasound.   I watched the screen as the ultrasound tech did the ultrasound.  I did not see much of anything in the area where I was concerned.  She moved the scanner over my nipple (where they focused the 2nd set of mammogram images) and I saw what was wrong.  There was a mass there.  I tried not to panic…easier said than done.

The radiologist came back to talk to me after I was dressed.  They had found a complex cyst that had vascular flow (blood flow), had both solid and fluid and was an irregular shape.  They said it was a high chance of malignancy and scheduled me for a biopsy and a consult with a breast surgeon.

The biopsy was nothing like what I read about or prepared myself for.  Everything was going great (well as good as it could) and then he made the incision.  Blood went everywhere.  All over me, all over the bed (I later found out that that typically does not happen, a vein got nicked)…I thought I was going to pass out.  They did a CORE biopsy and used a vacuum machine to perform the procedure.  It sounded like a dentist’s drill.  They sent me on my way and said that pathology results would be back in 3-5 days.  Let me tell you, from the day that they found the mass until the day we got the results felt like an ETERNITY!!!

2 days after the biopsy, I started getting these lumps all around the surgical tape which almost looked like welts, but I knew they were not an allergic reaction.  I had to call the on-call doctor, as it was almost 9 pm when I found the lumps.  She was confident that what I had described was a hematoma (internal bleeding) and would get worse before it got better.  She told me to do lots of compression and ice packs.

The welt/lumps went down by the next morning.  The surgeon called back on Saturday morning to see how I was doing and how things looked.  She told me a little bit about what to expect and told me to call her on Tuesday morning so she could go over the results with me.

Finally, the results were in on Monday.  The nurse called to let me know that pathology came back BENIGN (Thank God!) and we talked more about the internal bleeding issue…the bruising is out of control and unlike anything I have ever seen.

Monday will be 2 weeks since we got the results and I am still dealing with the internal bleeding, which has created a lump where the cyst was that is filled with blood.  The blood will continue to rise to the surface and be reabsorbed by my body.  By the time it’s all resolved, the surgeon said it will be likely that my entire breast and down into my ribs will be bruised.

So…there’s a cliff-notes version of the scariest month I have ever gone through.  We just lost my mother-in-law to cancer in March; this was too soon, too scary and way too real for any of us to take calmly.

I saw the surgeon this week and got a copy of my pathology report.  They put a tiny metal clip in where the cyst was located.  I go back in a year and they will do another mammogram & ultrasound.  They will easily be able to identify where the area of concern was from the location of the clip.

 

 

Posted in Everything Candida

Sugar Addiction

 

Sugar-Addiction

How many of you out there suffer from severe sugar cravings?  Moodiness?  Fatigue?  Brain fog?  Sugar craving so intense you plot the demise of anyone who gets in between you and that cake?  lol… I am only half-joking there.  Did I mention sugar cravings?

I have been feeling all of these symptoms along with a long list of other things that have been bothering me.  As I get healthier, one step at a time, other issues that have been needing attention come to the surface.  It is annoying, to say the least.  Every time I think I am making progress, something new comes to the surface.  I am about to declare this year (and probably next) as Project Overhaul Lisa.

I was talking to my doctor about how sugar is my crack.  Tell me not to have that bowl of ice cream and I will smack you into next week.  Not because I want to have it, my body craves it so bad that I will literally plan how to sneak my sweet treats.  That’s sad, isn’t it.  Sad but true.  Back to the doctor appointment, I was expressing my concern…I did not feel it was normal to be feeling this way.  The vicious cycle was making it impossible to move into healthy eating.  I know I need to lose weight, but my sugar obsession is getting in the way.  My husband tells me it’s a lack of will power, he has no idea what he is talking about.  Mr. Crossfit-man who thinks everything comes down to will power.  I love him dearly, but he is oh so wrong about the misconception that Crossfit fixes everything.  It has worked wonders for him, obviously, we are not facing the same obstacles and given the fact that walks around the block are just now becoming do-able for me, well, I think my point has been made.

The doctor agreed that it is a problem, especially since I was diagnosed diabetic 6 months ago and my A1C is now at 6.8.  It is not moving in the right direction and I would rather learn to do something sooner than later about it.  Diabetes is no joke.  My dad suffered from 4 strokes and had an insane 90% blockage to his basal artery (a main artery to your brain).  Studies have proven that over time, elevated sugar levels do cause your arteries to become blocked.  We 100% believe that dads out-of-control diabetes for so many years led him down the path that he now has to live with.

The doctor recommended this miracle shot, Victoza…which was like a gastric bypass in a shot form.  It would solve all my problems…lower fasting glucose levels, A1C would drop, losing weight, stop sugar cravings, decrease appetite, etc.  He told me to go home and research it and let him know what I thought at our next appointment.  I have learned if things seem too good to be true, they almost always are.  The doctor had mentioned the side effects, but said that they are usually rare (to date, rare or never happens has always been happening to me).  These side effects were no joke, thyroid tumor, thyroid cancer, pancreatitis, along with all the standard, nausea, diarrhea, upset stomach, headaches, etc.  Even knowing that, at first I thought…but I’ll lose weight, let’s do it.  Thankfully, the hubby did NOT agree.  His first reaction was, “Lisa, seriously?!?  Every time they have said something will not happen, is rare, never happens, etc. it has happened to you.  Especially these past few years.  Look at the hysterectomy that you cannot recover from 2.5 years later.  This is not for you.”

I am pretty insistent (maybe some would call it stubborn) and pulled up the website so we could watch and learn about it more together.  You can check out the video here.  Ok, doubts were starting to rise.  These serious complications were known to happen.  I started wondering if the magical weight that just vanished while taking this once daily injection would reappear just as quickly once you quit taking the shot.  What about my sugar levels?  I need a long-term, sustainable plan and this shot was quickly being eliminated from my options.

I was sitting and sharing all of this with my trauma counselor, who just happens to be extremely educated in the naturalistic world.  He started asking me a series of questions, concluding with “would you stick out your tongue for me?”  Sure.  I have not stuck out my tongue at someone just because since grade school.

He nods and says, “I am pretty confident that you have a candida overgrowth in your body.  Have you ever thought about looking into the Candida Diet?”  Say what?  I had heard about Candida and done a TINY bit of research into it, but really did not know much.

He suggested that I start researching it, increase my probiotics to over 100 billion per day and start taking Oil of Oregano.  He gave me liquid form, I had my own capsules, simply put 8 drops in twice per day and this would start killing the candida.  He also started sharing an entire wealth of knowledge of all the natural health benefits of Oil of Oregano, how it can be used in lieu of an antibiotic, antifungal, etc.  He told me a lot but I have a tendency to only remember what is relevent to me at that moment.  There were other products to aid in killing off candida, but this was our starting point.  Slow and steady for me, not my typical style, but why not give it a shot?!  What did I have to lose?

That evening, I got right to work on my research.  What is this candida overgrowth all about and more importantly, what can I do to kill it off?  I googled “candida diet” and found an awesome website that I love, love, love to reference.  First, I started off wanting to know more about what candida is, how does it grow/spread, what are the symptoms…stop there.  Wow, these symptoms were really hitting home for me.

I saw that there was a quiz offered to assess the probability if yeast is really causing all these problems for me.  You can take the quiz here.  My score was ridiculous, I scored a 21.  I answered yes to every single question.

From this point, I spent almost 2 weeks researching candida, the diet, what makes it grow, candida die-off, supplements, what reduces the die-off symptoms, how long, what can I eat, what can’t I eat, can I really even do this.  This is why you have not heard from me in blog land.  😉

I decided what did I have to lose?  The diet is pretty strict, but I was quickly reminded that it does not have to be all or nothing by my wonderful counselor (that came to be very helpful since I have started the diet).  I started the diet last Tuesday, May 31st.  As of today, I have lost almost 9 pounds and am definitely in the beginning of candida die-off.  I started feeling pretty crappy, no pun intended, on Friday and things have continued to get a little worse each day.  My allergies appear to be going nuts, so I have no idea if it is all really candida die-off or more so, pesky allergies.  Either way, the past 2 evenings I have been miserable and have not been able to stay on plan with the diet, despite good intentions.  I decided that that is okay.  This is not all or nothing.  I am trying my hardest and every meal I start out on plan (dinner has been my downfall because I feel so miserable by dinner, I do not have a plan in place.)  You HAVE to have a plan if you are going to be following such a strict diet.

Stay tuned for more info and what exactly I have decided to do, what I am taking, how it’s going, etc…

Posted in Getting Started

Conflicted

I have been thinking about how I want my blog to be.  I was thinking that I wanted to go back and document “my story” from the beginning, but that is just not working for me.  I thought I was ready to tell the world my story.  Truth of the matter is simple, I am not ready to share in the way I originally envisioned.  Instead I will share the only way I know how…being in the moment.  The healing process is such a complex, crazy, & emotional rollercoaster ride.  

I have been vulnerable for so long.  It’s time to take a stand and do what is best for ME.  This post is simply a reflection of how I am feeling.  If my friends or family read this and have to think twice about it, maybe you need to do some of your own soul searching about what matters to you.

The past 3 years have been the hardest years of my life.  Not only did I learn that my entire medical diagnosis of endometriosis going back to when I was 15 was all a lie, all the surgeries…for nothing.  I also learned that many of the relationships in my life were not what I thought they were either.

They always say, when the times get tough, you find out who your true friends are.  Guess what I realized?  I need to re-evaluate who I value a relationship with.  I am a huge people-pleaser, always doing what I *think* others want me to do.  Thinking this way, most often, has left me hurt & disappointed with my own feelings put aside.  I know that so many people out there can relate to these feelings.  

Social media has become super convenient, too convenient.  It’s easy to be a Facebook creeper…admit it, we are all guilty of stalking Facebook to be in the know.  Do you know how many people know all about what has happened to me? I see them in person and they say “I saw on Facebook…”, yet I never hear one word from them otherwise?!?  I had no idea that they even knew about anything that happened to me.  When did we, as a society, lose the one-on-one connection?  Is it really that hard to pick up a phone, send a card or take a few hours out of our day to call, check-in on or go see a friend in need?  

The past several months, I have been working on building boundaries in my relationships.  Any relationship worth having, takes effort on both parts.  In those relationships, you can speak the truth, in a loving way, and guess what?!  Together, you work on building a healthy relationship.  One where you are both happy, feel loved and cared about.  After having such a traumatic medical situation, I am left re-evaluating all aspects of  my life.  I am taking a long hard look at my relationships:  being a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, small business builder, team leader & the list goes on and on.  

I am working on putting the pieces of my life back together.  Although it is so hard to see situations and relationships for their true worth, it is also very empowering to look forward.  I am done chasing the chapters of my previous life and trying to put them back in to some type of order.  The life I remember from years ago does not exist anymore.  Period.

Here is to my new book.  My new story.  Here is to having healthy relationships, where I have boundaries on my terms (as we all should); the new friendships that I have been developing; the old friendships that are rekindling; following my own intuition in all aspects of my life; continuing to work on my health.   I am working on healing myself in every way I know possible.  I will eventually work back to sharing my story of what happened, but more importantly, I need to focus on picking myself back up and moving forward.

💖 Lisa

Posted in Getting Started

Why I started a blog…

My name is Lisa. I am a wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister, small business owner, leader, and a very strong, determined woman. One that should never be underestimated.

I am here to educate as many women, men and families as I possibly can about the traumatic medical experiences I have had and all the things I have learned along the way. I am sharing my story, in every hope that no woman EVER goes through what happened to me. I have learned so much about what we are doing to our own bodies, many of us completely unaware, until you are in the midst of your own medical crisis, seeking your own answers. I have found more natural ways to change how my family lives…a few being cleaning, laundry, eating, skin & beauty care, supplements and essential oils.

I have had 14 surgeries over an 18 year span including a complete hysterectomy that I ultimately found out was a complete  misdiagnosis/malpractice. A malpractice that no lawyer will touch because the case is too big…goes back too far… their payout is not worth it. Can someone send that memo to all of the medical bills that I owe? (totaling over $80,000 over the years). Talk about feeling screwed over twice. I have a massive malpractice that I can do nothing about and I owe an insanely high amount for things that should have never been done in the first place. We’ll leave that one alone, it’s a pretty touchy subject. I do not know if I can ever think about that and not be furious. 😡

I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and had my first surgery when I was only 15. Since then, I had 13 more surgeries in which I thought the doctors were looking out for me…helping me. I thought the surgeries were working. My pain would go away for 6 months to a year, until they had to go in and “clean me up again”. I had no idea that I was building up to a terrible reality where they could no longer fix the pain; the doctors were the ones that did the most damage.

I thought I could trust them. That’s what doctors do. They help you…they look out for you, right?  NO!  Definitely not all of them. You have to be your own advocate. As I share my story (I will link to it once I can wrap my head around sharing everything that happened to me), you will see time and time again that I should have been an advocate for myself. At the time, I honestly thought I was.  My intuition kicked in quite a few times over the years and I always doubted myself and my instincts first.  I listened to what everyone else had to say.  It was a mistake that I will live to regret for the rest of my life.  I put my trust in the wrong people. Now I am here to advocate for YOU!

In the past 6 months, my life has been flipped upside down, turned inside out and the perfect storm uprooted every ounce of normalcy we had ever known.

My dad suffered from 5 stokes, barely making it through the last one he had. He is fighting strong, but still has a very long road ahead of him. My mom, God bless her, is trying to stay strong for all of us and is now taking care of my dad 100%. He has not regained function on his left side since the stroke. He continues to work in therapy; still, he can not do even the most simplest of things on his own….yet.

My mother-in-law lost her battle with cancer in March, almost a year after she was diagnosed. My husband, father-in-law, and the entire family are grieving the loss of the mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt and grandma that they all lost too soon. She was only 54 years old.

I found out everything I ever knew about my medical diagnosis of endometriosis…all the surgeries…all the pain…recoveries…trials…medicines…all for nothing. I have had two  surgeries this year alone to work on fixing what is actually wrong with me.  I have a severe myofascial pelvic floor disorder.  Each surgery added to the traumatic state that my pelvic floor was in.

Someone near and dear to my heart is fighting a heroin addiction. It is heartbreaking and so, so toxic. I have had to cut ties with this very special person to me. I pray for him constantly, that he gets the strength to truly battle his addiction. I wish I could protect him, stop the demons in his head that come with using heroin…but I cannot. Only he can. I can not stand to watch him self destruct any more.

I have spent hours in physical therapy, counseling, more physical therapy and more counseling. I am here to tell you, there is hope! You can fight through. I am living proof. Every day brings its own set of challenges, but eventually the good days start to outweigh the bad.

And there we have it…my first official blog post. I hope you join me in this crazy journey I call life. If nothing else, this is going to be very therapeutic for me to process and write about my story. The good, the bad, and the oh so very ugly. Of course, you know I’ll be bringing the happy, crazy and fun times that I focus on most!

💖 Lisa