I have never felt so liberated and free. After spending a lifetime worrying about what people think, it felt soooo good to put my true thoughts out there. I did not have a single intention to hurt anyone, resentment or any other feeling besides speaking my truth. Most importantly, I don’t care what ANYONE thinks! This is huge and a lifelong accomplishment that has been long in the works! Check my moment of truth here.
I am going to focus every day on sharing my plan to regain my life after a medical malpractice that nearly destroyed every ounce of my being.
I have posted several times about my journey and my thoughts that I may have a Candida overgrowth (along with several attempts at a Candida diet). I have built myself a new medical team who is here to serve me (I have no idea why I didn’t see it this way sooner.) I have a Functional Medicine team at the Cleveland Clinic. I swore for years that I needed doctors to see me as a whole, they were slowly killing me only looking at pieces and parts of me. I truly believe this.
I found another blogger,thatpeganlife, who lives in my area and she was posting about her appointment with a Functional Medicine team – I reached out to her, got some more info and scheduled myself an appointment that day. I had my initial appointment back in October and today I head back in for my results from all the blood tests that were ordered. We’ll start to make up a game plan of how to truly restore my health, from the inside out. I met with the doctor, a health coach and a nutritionist at my first appointment. That first appointment was a VERY long day (I think I was at the hospital for over 5 hours meeting each member of my functional medicine team). The nutritionist had set me up on a Candida cleanse, but we found through my initial testing that I do not have a Candida overgrowth.
I have spent many hours researching and it looks like what I may have going on is a Leaky Gut. I’ve been hearing about this a ton lately, which led me into doing more research. It got brought up a few times at my initial visit as well. I have decided to do nothing with my research – just let it be knowledge for my appointment. Today I can hear what the doctor thinks, make a plan and starting moving forward.
Since my first appointment with my Functional Medicine team, I had another surgery (…this was #16 I think…yikes) and hopefully my last surgery, where I had the battery pack removed and the wire that was going through my sacral nerve to give stimulation to my bladder and bowel that were both damaged through all my surgeries. I have found through diet and lifestyle changes that the internal unit was not helping me, it was actually causing more problems than it was worth.
Being truly transparent, I have struggled with my diet since surgery on October 25th. I had been doing great, but the mental anguish that came with trusting doctors and having another surgery was more than I was braced for. This is the reality of my struggle now. Trust. Trauma. Moving On. – all things I am trying to wrap my head around coming to peace with. I’m not quite there, but I am working on it.
My biggest take-away from my initial appointment with functional medicine is that I need to really work on healing from my past…my trauma…what had become my way of life. I have been stuck in a really awful place since I learned about my malpractice (and honestly this place had me captured for a few years prior to that).
I was referred to a Holistic Psychotherapist with this statement standing out for me, “I can heal your body physically all day long, but if you’re not healing emotionally and spiritually, you’re never going to get better.” I started seeing Tom, my psychotherapist, a week after my surgery and have been making huge strides ever since.
Today is a pivotal point for me – I have been giving myself pep talks – I can do this. I can go hear what the findings are and make a plan with the team of doctors I have built for myself. A team of doctors who I need to eventually trust, who are looking out for my best interest and will help me get back to the version of myself that I so desperately have been missing. I am hoping to share tomorrow that I took this appointment in stride and left it in a good place, especially mentally. The reality is that that has not happened for me in years with a doctor but it’s my intention now. The doctor who was behind my malpractice has taken enough of my life. I love myself enough to give myself the grace I need to work through this process, whatever that may mean.